You know how when you get so overly stressed, you can't think clearly. My brain feels overloaded with adrenalin. I feel like I am one big nerve.
I did get a phone call yesterday from the specialist. He said that Liesl's triglyceride levels are mildly elevated, which I took as good news. This supports the fatty liver theory. He said that since I am uncomfortable with doing the biopsy, (I do not want to put her through it at this point for something that is leaning more in the direction of being benign.) He would prefer to do one more test that he feels would give us both a better level of comfort and more strongly confirms what he strongly suspects is the fatty liver. It would be another blood screening. I asked if we could do it in thirty days when we recheck the bladder stones. He said that he would rather do it sooner rather than later just to see if the liver is doing its job and to make sure she is not in liver failure. This had not come up the day before so I felt like I was going to pass out. In the same conversation he said that we need to make sure she is not in kidney failure. In the meantime, he is putting her on a low fat diet. Overall, I get the sense he is just trying to be thorough.
While we were on the phone he did reiterate that he hoped that I was feeling more peaceful. He said, "We are not going to be writing a eulogy any time soon." I think that he meant to ease my mind, but I am freaking out. I am a mess and very confused.
I talked the situation out with my friend last night and said that I think I need to step back from the situation for a week or two. I do not have a clear enough head right now. I do not want to take Liesl in for more testing right now because she is stressed. I am stressed, which is probably making it worse for her. I think we need to enjoy the weekend and not think about medicine. I am so afraid of making the wrong decision or waiting too long. But I also think I need a clearer head in order to make a better decision. I am thinking I may call him next week when I have calmed down a bit and ask for more clarification.
My friend thinks the doctor may have just been thinking out loud, which is common. However, it is scary for me. My friend feels that I should wait, preferably the thirty days, let Liesl do the lower fat diet and continue to exercise. She said that in 30 days, the liver might actually show improvement and could reduce the need for a lot of additional testing. Again, I am just so scared of making the wrong decision.
I think the most important thing for me to do at this point is to turn myself for focusing on Liesl's wellness instead of sickness. I need to change my mind set and trust that God is taking care of her. I keep looking for anything out of the ordinary and I think I am making us both nervous wrecks. So if anyone can provide words of advice for how to change my focus, I would so appreciate them.
I am so sorry that this blog has not been very uplifting lately, but I appreciate your kindness, words of support and prayers. Thank you for your patience. I know that sunny skies are ahead.